I don’t even know…
My paranoia is at an all-time high today. I’ll be checking my biorythyms at some point this evening. I am feeling motivated but rough, like things just aren’t right. Today, I want to do something that I usually reserve for my less thought-intensive MySpace blog. I want to rant on points without really trying to form paragraphs and linear thought. Here I go:
- Resume writing gets on my fucking nerves. I spent almost an hour trying to flowchart the past 10 years of my life. Considering that most of those memories are gone courtesy of a cannibus haze, I’m not entirely sure what jobs I worked during that time. I most assuredly don’t remember when I was hired on. *shrug* It annoys me to no end.
- My boyfriend is becoming a source of annoyance for me. Perhaps it’s just my paranoia or, perhaps, I’m seeing warning signs that I don’t want to see. Case and point: He used to send me these cute text messages EVERY morning, just telling me that he hoped I had a great day and then making some positive comment about my body or heart. Now, nothing. Hell, I can’t even get him to respond to my text messages during the week unless I’m either talking about POT or getting pissed off. Meanwhile, his ass can respond to and leave comments all over MySpace. Which brings me to my next point: Who the fuck are these twinky motherfuckers hittin’ on my man on MySpace. I know, I know… I flirt like mad… but never where the BF can see it. I think that flirting inside of the boyfriend’s visual field is just disrespectful. Not on myspace, not in public, not in front of him. It’s just respect, I think. These guys hitting on him make me uncomfortable, but when he is doing it back.. it makes me insanely paranoid. Given my history, who can blame me? My final rant as far as the BF is concerned.. he’s way too much of a pot head for me. Now, I suspect he’s doing it as a “self-medication method” but, frankly, I’m reaching my wits end. If that’s really his reason, surely he should be talking to me about it by now. Ugh. I’m getting more annoyed just writing this out.
- My job pays the bills, granted, but it feels so beneath me now. I guess that explains my first rant.. that resume writing sucks. I’m now actively pursuing something different.
- Have you ever had one of those days where you were just tired of dating (insert gender of choice)? I am. I’m tired of being gay. I’m tired of how men act. What kills me is that all the good, interesting, warm-hearted men with decent communications skills are either busted, GU (geographically undesirable), or taken. The rest, well.. no comment. I’m tired of being cheated on (see posts regarding most recently terminated relationship) and I’m tired of dating emotional fuckwits, drug dependent douche-bags, or abusive bastards. I’m just tired of the game you have to play in order to date these guys. It’s different from straight games.. I’ve played those. I’m good at them. This game just sucks. You do realize, I could go straight right now and never have the same girl twice.. LOL. Not really, but I’d definitely have a selection.. too bad I like dick. Ugh.
- So overall, those points amongst others are just making me rather anti-everything today. I feel like writing one of those “Ani-Difranco-esque fuck you” entries. I miss those. Those at least made the point. *shrug*
Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled programming. Intelligent thought will resume next entry, I hope.
Leave a Reply